Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Ish-e's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, March 11th, 2004
8:57 pm	AYE KARUMBA! I don't know anymore, confusion in the head, unsure of what to do about everything! I have butterflies in my stomach because im scared for the first time in a long time. Im getting all kinds of feelings for the first time in a long time, it sucks. i don't know... Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 6th, 2004
11:36 pm	Me in 5 years! This has to be the shittiest week and weekend! I swear the next person that wants to get brave with me is going to bite the motherfuckin' curb! I won't be taking anymore shit from anyone, Goddamn i need some consistency! Momma told me there would be days like this, but i didn't listen... Current Mood: infuriated (Comment on this)
5:12 pm	Fucking pigs want me so bad they can taste it! FUCK COPS! FUCK COPS! FUCK COPS! They can all go and shove a stick up their ass! FUCKIN' COPS ARE GAY!!! Damn i hate cops, they've never done nothing for me and they never will, they only bring me down even when i need help from them. OUCH! now my hand hurts from socking the wall! i hate cops... Current Mood: pissed off (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 28th, 2004
11:33 am	These are the days of our lives! Yesterday sucked my balls! yesterday was gay like a fagat! somebody socked me in the back 4th period, i told him if he ever TOUCHED me again i'll kill him! he didn't even talk to me for the rest of the day. i saw him later that day and he wouldn't even say what's up to me. fucking fagat! thats why i haven't i got in a fight since 7th grade, because no one fucks with me or talks shit to me, and if they do its behind my back or when i have earphones on and i can't hear. how HILLARIOUS! yeah, also my english teacher sucks, tony and i were going to the library, and we were waiting patiently so he can write us a pass and instead he lets everybody else go who talk shit to him and disrespect him and so he tells us to go to the computers that were full with people so we didn't do shit all period. well, its not like i do anything anyways! I'm going to the marine corp the only class i need to pass in Economics and i graduate the rest of the classes can go and suck a monkeys ass. and then after track practice i had to walk home, third or second time this week. welcome to the life of a poor person! by the time i got to dunne somebody stopped and gave me a ride, i only had to walk half way this time. that was fun, mostly cause i had snoop dogg to listen to and he's cool, no matter what anybody says about rap. i got home worked out, took a shower, watched a movie, felt lonely, and went to bed. today, i have that barn dance to go to, i'm probably not going to dance cause now im not going to have anyone to dance with. doesn't that blow! not really, cause i don't care, since i appearantly i have a bunch of girlfriends! my cousins are gay, they ruined my weekend, they were suppose to take me to a party last night, and tonight after the barn dance we were suppose to have some people over because we have the house this weekend and my mom is out of town. but now, they're out of town too, because they're stupid. so, now im alone for the weekend, well maybe not. tony might come over tonight, and i might have some people over and have fun. but thats not what i wanted because i would trade all those people to have one person to come over, but that won't happen. i don't know why i try... Current Mood: disappointed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 21st, 2004
6:55 pm	Private NumbNuts the movie Full Metal Jacket is crazy, i rented it last night along with two other movies and it was cool even though i've seen it before. i rented Underworld, that was a pretty good movie. and i rented this weird ass gay fagat movie that i didn't like. it was my cousins fault, she told me to get it because it looked sad and we wanted to see our other cousin cry. we thought it was some war love story, but it turned out to be about this soldier meeting some gay crossdresser at some club and they fall in love, and then somebody kills the soldier because he's gay. it was weird. i thought it was funny though, because when i signed up into the marines i had to sign a paper saying i won't engage in homosexual activities, and i can't talk about homosexuality. i guess they don't want gays in the military, oh well, not my problem. today, i did what i did all week, sat around. i watched movies, played some games, and sat around. im getting bored of that i want to do something. but, now i have no money cause i spent it all on renting movies and paying for our damn overdue charge shit. so, im in a bind. let's see, what are my plans for tomorrow? i think i'll sit around. sounds good, and i'm not being sarcastic. i know what i can do tonight i'll just pick on my cousin like i did last night... Current Mood: lazy (Comment on this)
Friday, February 20th, 2004
12:51 pm	wow, i can actually breathe today! thats a shock! but it sucks because i feel so much better and i have nothing to do. have you ever sat by the phone waiting for a it to ring but you knew it wasn't going to? sometimes when i hear the phone ring i kind of feel happy because for a second i think that it is for me but it isn't. shit, it's amazing i don't have a life, i really have no friends, and just because people might call me their friend doesn't mean that i am. what happened to me? i use to be the most happy and positive person you could ever meet. now im always in a shit hole! my sweetness turned sour and effected me! oh well, i'll get over it! like always. now i'm in a good mood, i feel lifted. how strange is that? maybe because i realized a few things. who know? today is the CCS wrestling tournament! i wonder how they're doing. i started to clean my room today, im about halfway done! i feel productive, now that i can actually stand without feeling woozy. wow, i'm so funny, i think i might be a comedian. it's weird, im one of those people who laughs at my own jokes thinking everyone else is laughing at them too, but really they're just laughing at me. not really, that'd be kind of sad. i talked to these jehovah witnesses once, those people just don't stop talking. and they give away these pamphlets that talk about burning in hell and all that good stuff. i don't like satan, he is kind of evil. if you didn't notice. i don't really like devil worshipers either, they give me the chills, especially the girl ones because they are really crazy. i'm not really to scared of the guy devil worshipers because they seem like they're only doing it for the p#$$! when satan is really getting all the action and they won't be getting jack shit! wow, that actually makes a lot of sense to me. does it make sense to sell your soul to the devil to live a good life! i mean think about it. the average life span is like 75 years. you get 75 years of heaven on earth and everything you want, and the rest of eternity of hell. when you could get 75 years of a mediocre life and eternity of heaven. hey! whatever floats your boat. somebody told me that Milton Bradley sold his soul to the devil, i don't find that hard to believe. whats that game? the one where you put your hand on the thing and talk to nothing thinking your suppose to be talking to someone in the afterlife. i would never touch that game, i've heard some stories. mexicans are superstitous! Why? i mean they have stories about walking ghosts, with chains, dead moms yelling for their babies. but, they're scary. i always have this picture in my head of gothic guys acting all tough and shit, but when they come across something they shit in their pants. i know that doesn't make sense, but it does to me! i know what im talking about. i get it. for some reason when i think gothic people i think orgy. is that weird? idk, i think gothic people are pretty weird. but, i saw this gothic girl once and she was reading this comic book, and on the cover it had a three girls sucking the vampires "shit." maybe it was some type of gothic, anime porn or something. i've seen mexican comic book porn in a mexican store once. mexicans have a thing for big chests, idk why. boy, im glad im native american. at least they're normal. besides the fact that they have hippy names, like light flower, and thunder rose. i can't stand that. if i had a native american i would want a masculine name like, Dirty hog, or biting dogg. i like geronimo, thats a name. i hope i get a cool nickname like geronimo in the marines. i was made for the military, its in my blood. Geronimo was a warrior, as i will be. i want to be a general though. i don't want to just be a "grunt" i want to be up in ranks. i want to tell people what to do. i want to be a leader. i look at the picture i have of geronimo in my room and he looks feirce. he didn't let anything get in his way, he didn't let his mind become clouded or confused, he didn't just sit and let things happen, he went out and made things happen(mostly killing) he was tough. i thought i've been through some shit, native americans been through worse... Current Mood: thoughtful (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 19th, 2004
8:37 pm	Give me a clue its five months and for some reason i think im the only one who cares! Current Mood: confused (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 18th, 2004
6:10 pm	Jesus, I can't believe this! I hate how i try to do something good and it just backfires on me! I try to be a good person and tell the truth, but the truth isn't good enough. Oh well, im over it! Im in the shittiest of all moods right now. my head hurts like a bitch, my back is killing me and is never going to get better. my throat hurts and i can't even drink anything or eat. I haven't ate for 2 days, and when i try to eat i can't swallow. I can bearly breathe! it sucks! oh well, i'll get over that too! shit, could it get any worse??? Current Mood: crappy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 16th, 2004
10:40 am	This isn't my week, but it was my weekend! This just wasn't my week for competing. I got dead last in league for wrestling. I lost to people that i shouldn't have lost to. I was hella beating them, and then i go and do something stupid like let them turn me over. It sucks, because now im not even going to CCS. I could have easily beat the last guy i wrestled, i had him beat and i did something stupid. oh well, my weekend made up for it i guess. Friday, i just chilled at home until cam came over. And my cousins were smoking upstairs, they are dumb, how hillarious. because cam and i were going to a party with and i kept asking them if they wanted to go and all they did was asked eachother. and all they did was ask eachother over and over again. I was getting pissed, because they were waisting my time. but this is what their conversation looked like: Priscilla: "What do you want to do?" Noemi: "I don't know, what do you want to do?" Priscilla: "I don't know, do you want to go?" Noemi: "I don't know, do you?" Priscilla: "I don't know!" then their would be silence for 10 minutes and them it would start all over again. it was kind of funny! but, cam and i got tired of it and just left! so, we met up with jeff and went to the party. there were a lot of people, damn. It was some ST. Francis guy's party. but, they started kicking people out and they pissed jeff off. and so he stole some things and spilled some beer on the rug. thats what people get when they piss jeff off. but, that wasn't the end of the night. we went to the races again, and this time the cops really came and when we pulled out some guy pulled out right in front of cam and cam had to stop and jeff was right behind us and rear ended cams truck. Damn, the tail gate was fucked up, and he hit us so hard the back window broke and shattered. we, finally got home like at three in the morning, and i had the wrestling tournament in the morning. man, i was tired, maybe thats why i did so bad. oh well. Don't worry, i didn't drink or anything. i was sober! I didn't forget. the rest of the weekend i just sat around and it was fun. and thats all im going to be doing for this whole week because now i don't have wrestling practice, finally. next week im starting track, so im just going to sit around this week and get fat, and then next week im going to start working out hard now that i can gain weight. hopefully, i won't get lonely sitting around, because that would suck. as you know. oh well. this kind of sucks, because i have no one to talk to right now! Jeese! i'll get over it, i hope! maybe i'll play a game now... Current Mood: crappy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 12th, 2004
10:01 pm	"Indian Giver!" So, my aunt and cousin live with us now and its cool but it sucks at the same time. Now that they live here, my mom has less money. whenever i ask her if i can have some money to go out or something she can't because she let them borrow money. and they are suppose to have jobs and being paying rent. I didn't know my mom was suppose to be paying them to live with us! They living for free right now! They need to go get some jobs, thats the first thing im doing when track is over. My dad gave me a car last week! that didn't last long! he took it back the next day, and told me that he would give me a car over the weekend. well, it's been two weeks. i knew i shouldn't have got my hopes up! people seem to do that to me all the time, like my mom also told me that she would get me a car by november. Its FEBRUARY! idk, maybe i should stop depending on people. i've never been able to! I knew it was to good to be true! and it was! Hell, i deserve it. no one can't say that i've never worked for it, if it was given to me. i deserve it... Current Mood: accomplished (2 Comments |Comment on this)
9:24 pm	Once New and Improved, Now Old and Moldy!!!! I'm so fucking pissed, but at the same time i'm happy. I should have won the public speaking contest, instead i got third! that pisses me off so bad. I was a state finalist last year, i should have easily won. Damn, that pisses me off! At least im going to regionals, i'll win that this year, last year i got third there and now im determined. i'm going to kick ass there! i'm so fucking determined now, nothing is going to stop me from WINNING STATE this year!!!! I'm mostly pissed because it was over the time limit, and every time i timed or the teachers timed it, it was under 8 min. i'm just determined to win state now! i don't even care about wrestling anymore because i have that pulled muscle in my back. I hate that, this was my last year and i had to get an injury. oh well, shit happens. I have TCALS this weekend and hopefully CCS next week, but i don't even care because my back hurts so bad. Im having trouble sitting here and writing this because it hurts to sit, stand, or anything. the only time it doesn't hurt is when im lying on my back. hopefully i can run track and still go to the marines... Current Mood: pissed off (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 9th, 2004
10:09 pm	"We did it twice last night... and once in the mornig!" I feel like dancing, i don't know why. maybe its because i know i have skills.... Current Mood: artistic (Comment on this)
6:20 pm	im pissing in my pants Damn, tomorrow we are wrestliing Gilroy. They are hella good and we are going to get our ass kicked. But its my last duel meet match ever, its kind of sad. but i want to do good just because of that. I hope hella people go, that'd be nice if we had more support. oh well. I stink maybe i'll go take a shower, i think i need one. they don't want stinky people in the marines. WOW! I just realized today that i could go to war after boot camp. I didn't realize the possibility! Damn! that kind of freaks me out a little, but i've always wanted to be in the military and that is there job to fight! I hate how i don't realize what i do until after i do it... Current Mood: scared (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 8th, 2004
2:11 pm	"Man of Steel" "The cloud becomes black and sky becomes blue, Now you're in the midst of the dogg pound crew, Ain't no clue on why the fuck we do, what we do!" Last night was guys night out with Bigman Jeff. It was pretty tight, we all went to Jeff's house and i had a couple drinks of some apple flavored liquer, it was pretty good, and pretty strong because it gave me a buzz. we went out to San Jose and ate some hamburgers at some restaurant then walked like 4 or 5 blocks, oh yeah! sorry amanda! I had to moon someone! we were walking by a restaurant and two girls were eating dinner right next to a window, and i had to show them my brown ass. and i also took off my shirt to show off my muscles, because some guy was hitting on these girls and he was hella big so i had to show off what i have, to show hime up. Im not working out for nothing! j/k. then, we wen't down to in and out burger to see what was up, and we just started to talk to some people with fast ass cars who claimed that they were all stocked. but, oh well. this one girl kept looking at me, it was pretty funny because she was with her guy. how hillarious, its ok because i was interested in the cars and if we were going to the races. and we did, we wen't to bailey to see the races. we weren't even there for 15 minutes and somebody said the cops were coming and we all jammed, it was pretty crazy. like Fast and Furious shit. crazy! nah, we just went to jeff's house and then went home and i started playing that damn game again. than i went to bed. what a night! whew! it was cool.... Current Mood: mischievous (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 7th, 2004
11:24 am	"UNDERCOVER SCRAP" so apearantly the nortes talk shit to me, but i never hear them because i have my headphones on. I guess they call me "undercover scrap!" FUCKIN' HATERS, How hillarious. oh well, i don't care because i don't like them anyways. Yeah, yesterday i went to school, went to practice, went to the track to run, but i only walked a lap, than i went to the farm and saw tony, nick, and anthony there. Tony's b-day party, was last night at mountain mikes. It was cool, except i was freaked out because jeff was coming and i thought he was mad at me for what happened last weekend at his house. but, he was cool and he wasn't mad at me, he thought i was mad at him. so its all good. he wanted me to go to his house to drink but i didn't want to, so i went with cam to gilroy to hang out with some people. when we were on our way angel called me back, because i told her that i would go to a party with her to hang out, but cam was being a fag and he wouldn't stop or turn around. so now angel is mad at me for being a flake, but it wasn't my fault. i guess this is just my weekend to piss people off. oh well, i guess i do it well! now i'm sitting at home alone bored with no one to talk to, and for some i feel like thats the it always going to be. Im in a pretty good mood, just bored. oh well i guess i'll go find something to do... Current Mood: bored (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 5th, 2004
7:12 pm	What i'm screaming in me FUCK YOU!!!!!!! Current Mood: frustrated (2 Comments |Comment on this)
6:31 pm	ME...and my Shadow!!! My back hurts! A lot!!! It hurts like a @#$!$%^&$^$!!! Whatever that means? But, i injured my back again! for the third time this season! It sucks! Oh well, i just need to prepare for TCALs and CCS. I wrote like 5 poems today, one was about my shadow. idk, its weird i guess. I was suppose to meet with my recruiter today, but i couldn't go home and i left him a note on the door to meet me at live oak but he never showed so i just went jogging. now i'm sitting here! what a life!!! so exciting! This shade that follows me is my only company but even my shade leaves in the dark, during the night when all is gone, with no light But i know when i get through the cold night, feeling nothing new, except an emptiness, old unhappiness that my shade will awake and stand standing tall, pulling my hand It is dark again, no light to trap and I feel myself in a wrap tied up in my sorrow and loneliness only for now, cause my shade will return as it is the only one that won't let me burn! Current Mood: rejected (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004
5:29 pm	Damn! I feel like shit again! I don't know why, i just feel like there is something missing again! i hate that feeling, its weird. I think i know what it is that makes me feel like that but there is nothing i can do about it. I also feel like someone is fucking with my head, but i think im just really paranoid. I've been hearing shit, all the time. like people calling my name, or someone talking. Its everywhere, its weird. And kind of freaky especially at home alone. but its all good. Because i use to see shit, I use to see people walking around my house. But, now i hear things. I hear voices! im not crazy! am I? Its really weird, oh well. i was probably dropped as a baby or hit my one to many times. Its weird, because i just hear things, i actually hear voices talking to me, but mostly i hear them saying my name. Its always mostly at home, maybe someone is haunting my house, but i use to see shit at my old house and i still sometimes see weird things, i use to always hear shit too. I don't know, maybe im crazy. Probably not, im probably just tripping. Who knows?... Current Mood: crazy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
5:06 pm	What a BUM! I sat around all day today watched movies and played a game, what a productive life! I took my mom to work, and i picked my sister up from school. and i even put a chicken to cook. so i guess i was semi productive today. idk, i have a wrestling match tomorrow who knows if i'll wrestle. maybe i will. Maybe i should go jogging tonight since i haven't been to practice. I think that would be a good idea. I might try writing a real song for the first time today, with the two chords that i know. What will it be about? IDK, i'll figure it out. well... Current Mood: productive (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 2nd, 2004
6:09 pm	I'm good now! Yeah, i'm cool now. i'm in a good mood today sort of. I just miss my homegirl a lot and she is all i think about all day. so yeah... today i went to school, it rained hella hard, i got soaked and i was freezing, and than i gave a few people a ride in my car. and i gave my friend a ride home. i was going to pick my sister up from school, but i didn't. Maybe i'll take her and pick her up from school tomorrow because i don't plan on going. but yeah, idk... Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)